Carrying Heavy To Learn To Say Stop!

Although I see myself as a person who mostly knows what she wants, I  am having a hard time to set my boundaries towards people who are aggressively stating what they want and overrun me. It makes me mad at myself , because it is my own fault! Let me give you a made up example:

You have a wedding party and you invited your closest friends because you want to keep it small, and then a neighbor  you like but you wouldn’t call a close friend, hears about the wedding and next time you meet in the hallway, that neighbor says “Hey, so awesome you are having a wedding party. I heard about it, I love it. I wanna be invited! You make sure I am on the invitation list, right?”

My weakness in this moment is, I can’t say no. I also don’t want to say “Well, we only invite close friends” because I think I might hurt the person indicating, that it is not a close enough friend. Although actually exactly that way of approaching me is putting me off to no end. And that I can’t say no, makes me so mad at myself  because I failed to reply in the way I really want to “I am sorry ,but…”

Indeed it makes me so mad at myself, I would almost like to put the wedding off. (not really…but as said… this is a made up example and if any of my friends are reading this- none of you did this for our wedding and all of you have been invited because we love you guys to no end!!! – plus you wouldn’t be my friends if you would be like the described person – seriously 😉 )

I myself am the person that sits pouting in her room because she wasn’t on the invitation list, then ever ever saying out loud “I wanna be invited”. I always assume, I would have been included, if I was really wanted. I love to suffer in silence- LOL

Supplies: 7Gypsies Paper, Prima Brick Wall Stamp, Stamper’s Anonymous Stamp, Masking Tape, Heidi Swapp Color Shine, Tim Holtz Film, Ranger’s Distress Stain, Acrylic Paint, Heidi Swapp Chipboard Letters, Posca Marker, Stapler

I need to stop thinking that if I say no, or say ” I will think about this”,  the person will be really really mad at me and never ever talk to me again. And, even if…right, then they obviously don’t give a rat’s tail about my boundaries and why would I want to respect them more than they do respect me?

I am working on it…promised!

Are you good in setting your boundaries?

Huge hugs

Nat

Comments

  1. I love this layout and I wish people hadn’t put you in that position. I think anyone who’s that bold needs a reality check. You’re right to say no. Can you imagine how annoying it would be to say yes, then see the person on your big special day and be resentful she’s there?

  2. Same here, too. But I’m trying to learn.

  3. OMGosh, the story of my life…. yep, have to work on that too!!

  4. I keep my boundaries very close so I don’t often have this problem. My issue is more one of isolating myself…..can’t stuff up if you don’t put yourself out there right?

  5. Jenny Palmer says:

    Hi nat
    I can relate to this but I have realised that as i get older i am better at saying “no” and being more confortable
    remember you cant please everyone nor should you
    you are not hear to please the masses
    don’t be too hard on yourself and love the art
    have a great day
    Jenny
    waves from Tassie

  6. Sue Clarke says:

    I really like the background and how the distressing makes me feel that you don’t like how the situation went. I have much better boundaries than I used to. When I was just out of college and working in the mental health field I would come home and feel so bad about not being able to “save the world”. Later I realized that each person has to save themselves (with some help if desired). So as hard as it was, I gave the support and tools that I knew how to and hoped for the best. I usually tell it like it is these days (that happened after I turned 40)=some sort of freedom to just be me.

  7. Great of you to tell us and give us the chance to do so too! I have sort of the same problem, but I’m working on it.
    I really like your work of art you posted today. It is cool in its expression and colors. Street-art like, that’s great 🙂

  8. I’ve been dealing with boundaries in a big way. My 86 year old mother has another compression fracture from falling… again. One has to be not waiting on her. The doctor what’s her up and moving around. Yes, she is in pain, but old people who stay in bed get worse, not better, because of muscle loss and psychological issues. The other one is making sure I take care of myself. I have to sleep, have to rest, have to shower now and then. It’s hard because I feel guilty and irritated at the same time. It’s finding balance for me.

  9. Boundaries? I am quite good at knowing where they are and waving to them as they get crossed by others…Of course, my art benefits from it because I usually turn to my art journal when I realize I should have said no! I love how you used the film strips on this- the page has such a great weathered and worn feeling- just like people who say yes too often!

  10. It is a struggle at times, isn’t it? (Love how you expressed your feelings in your artwork, Nat!) Don’t be upset with yourself, though…it is normal to be mixed-up when people act inappropriately…they throw us off our game…that’s how they always get what they want

  11. Me Too! I suffer in silence! Art is a great way to express your True feelings!

  12. I think we can all relate to this!

  13. I’m getting better at it than I used to be…….I can relate to the part about pouting in your room!

  14. No… I’m not. And it’s always getting me into trouble. But I’m working on it, just like you are!

  15. Ohhh Nat – I have a hard time with this too! I can totally relate! You are so right – if people can’t handle you having boundaries, then they are not worth worrying about! I need to hear this too. Thanks for sharing!

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